Dying not to die
Killing ourselves trying not to die.
My sister recently reminded me of a conversation we had a couple of years ago. At the time she was understandably upset as both her daughters left home in quick succession and she faced that familiar empty nest feeling. In her distressed state she was moaning about her situation and asking why things always had to change. I pointed out that if things didn't change she would be mired in this depression for ever and besides when things do finally stop changing we call it death. Its natural that we want the 'good times' to last but thank goodness for flow when things get shitty.
That reminder came up as we discussed the ongoing saga of my aging parents' health. As we sat in another hospital ward for another four hours, this time waiting for my Mum to be discharged (again), we shared an insight as to how difficult it is to die these days. It doesn't take a psychologist to see how weary of life my parents have become, and they exist in a strange dilemma of somehow wanting a release but at the same time being terrified of that release.
I recently likened hospitals to working museums, but they also often represent humanity's constant battle against reality, a monumental struggle against the only certainty in life...death. Now I am not proposing a visit to Dignitas, although Mum has suggested it at times, but it seems to me that were we to invest as much energy in forging a more healthy relationship with reality instead of resisting it so violently then the process of dying could become less frightening, and all concerned would suffer less.
In this latest visit it dawned on me that we are actually killing ourselves trying not to die. While the rest of life on the planet is busy living, man seems intent on declaring war on the aspects of reality it perceives to be wrong, (which usually includes everybody else). Humanity, as is it's habit, has effectively declared war on death and our fearful relationship with it causes an awful lot of stress and suffering. That resistance ultimately hastens the very thing we are trying to avoid.
Its kind of irrelevant whether your beliefs support heaven (and hell), reincarnation, the eternity of the soul or as my brother cynically describes it 'we're all just road kill in the end'(despite two near death experiences, in one of which he was clearly given the choice to stay or leave). We will only know when we get there, everything else is speculation, and whilst there is no great enthusiasm to hasten its arrival, my recent experience with my parents reinforces my belief that the war on death is as pointless as all other wars, and even less logical.
This is in no way an attempt to belittle the feelings attached to someone's passing but more an invitation to feel all of the associated feelings unconditionally.
Those feelings are, after all, the stuff that evidences life!
Lots of love and life
Bill