Dear Diary...

I never had the discipline or motivation to keep a diary and in many ways i am very grateful for that. I have in the past been described as opinionated and was seldom shy in sharing my world view .However, if I now had a written record of some of those opinions I would hopefully be able to laugh, but if I'm honest would probably be more likely to cry!

As I fall deeper into the rabbit hole of life my current understanding (for this week at least) is that those ever changing opinions are a clever dance between two apparent opposites in the story of Bill Ayling. My essence and my identity.

I have been captivated by a lecture given by a Michael Hague on Joseph Campbell's Heroes Journey, particularly the inner journey. Explaining the art of screen-writing, he describes how all stories centre on the journey from identity to essence. He explains that our identity grows out of our fear. A fear of being exposed to the pain of our core wound. Our identity is our mask designed to protect us from pain, from exposing who we really are.

In Hollywood for the hero to realise their goal they will have to lose their identity and become reconciled with their essence. To gain everything they first have to lose everything!

It was watching this lecture that it struck me that my frequently voiced opinions were part of an identity. The opinions changed but their function didn't. Their task was to mask the essence. Ironically, within that essence is an incurable curiosity which would forever be exploring ideas and hence the ever changing opinions!

On reflection my lack of a diary has more to do with identity than discipline. It was a reluctance to look at my essence in fear of pain. If I couldnt tell a diary who could I tell? How many of us have lived lives like that I wonder? But there is something big happening at the moment. The universe has decided to turn us all into heros. Like it or not we are all being stripped of our identity and being lovingly (OK forced) to reconnect with our essence.

Not sure what it will look like but already feeling less opinionated!

Love

Bill