Fight or Flight
When developing the original version of the Creative Space Programme one area of child development which fascinated me was the primitive and postural reflexes. These are innate responses which emerge and inhibit in a largely predictable order and time-line. They are unconscious movements or responses triggered by a change in environment or physical stimulus.
I found them fascinating as I could at last explain why my tennis forehand was so much weaker than my backhand. Or why I would 'choke' on an important putt in golf. They were also at the root of, until that point, my long battle with reading, and explained many of my reactions when stressed.
Parents with children struggling at school often note that their child seems somehow younger than the others. Their physical development may be in sync with the other children but their behaviours aren't, which left them vulnerable to bullying and exclusion. It would often seem that there was a five year old in a ten year old's body.
Similarly wives with stressed husbands would often confide that their man seems some how less mature than others and a five year old running a thirty year old's body is not a pretty sight!
These reflexes are meant to emerge and inhibit at various stages of development, and when looking at developmental challenges in kids, or Dads, we would often find that a retained primitive reflex was the root of the problem. In my case the reflex which causes my arm and leg to move when my eyes cross the mid-line was a brilliant system as a one month old unable to control my head movements effectively. That system, when retained, is a pain in the ass when standing stressed over a six foot putt to win the match!
Fight or Flight
The reflexes which are often the most debilitating for a sensitive child, and adult, are those which inform our survival mechanism. The Withdrawal, Moro and Fear Paralysis reflexes are the basis of our fight/flight mechanism. When these systems are activated our physiological and neurological processing is altered. We do not reason in this state. We do not learn in this state. We do not grow in this state. We simply survive.
For a sensitive child to whom most sensory input can appear threatening life becomes one long game of survival. Learning, growth and development which are the natural expression of a child become luxuries to enjoy when their environment allows.
Unfortunately for us all these reflexes remain active throughout life. If we experience too much stress our survival system becomes our default mechanism and life becomes one long game of survival. Learning, growth and development which are the natural expression of a healthy adult become luxuries to enjoy when our environment allows.
Withdraw, on your terms
Would it be unfair of me to suggest that our society is purposefully designed to keep us in a reflexive state of survival? Anyone who has taken a flight recently or watched the news or read a paper will know how scared we are meant to be. A population in fight/flight does not reason, does not learn, does not grow.
In the UK last week it was announced that schools may impose on the spot fines for parents whose children are consistently late. So, if you manage to find the school in which your child feels safe, manage to avoid the speed camera on your dash to school, avoid a fine for illegal parking, made sure your child is dressed appropriately (non-conformity is very dangerous), you had better not be late dropping your other child at the school the other side of town or you will be fined. And thats just taking your child to school!
Rather than your withdrawal being a reflex, why not make it conscious. It may be difficult to escape the fear based madness of society but seeing it for what it is gives at least the opportunity not to hook into it. When you stop and look at how insane so much of society has become it can actually get quite amusing. When something designed to create fear is met with laughter it tends to disappear quite quickly.
For example, to perpetuate the fear of others the Home Secretary Theresa May was on the radio defending the Tories proposed anti-extremism bill. Her argument was that we should not tolerate views which are considered a threat to British Values. Asked what she meant by British Values she included the right to express your views and tolerance of other viewpoints.
You have to laugh, and you have to stay conscious. The people governing us at the moment need us to remain out of fear because they are plainly in it. If we stay out of fight/flight we have the capacity to grow, to learn and develop. The more of us making conscious choices in each moment the less purchase the fear has. Hopefully our lack of fear will be contagious and eventually inform those at the top. It is not going to happen the other way round.
The statement made by our recently re-elected Prime Minister would be frightening if it weren't so laughable.
"For too long we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens: as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone."
Maybe if we all send David a bit of love he won't be quite so scared!
Go easy, tread lightly, stay free
Bill