How To Behave

Last weekend my wonderful niece Sam got married. 

By all measures the day was a great success. The bride was beautiful. The medieval castle overlooking the sea was a stunning location. The sun shone and there was lots of laughter, more than a few tears and bucket loads of champagne. 

What is more, everyone behaved themselves.

Well, nearly everyone.

One incident, unnoticed by many, left me feeling more than a little ashamed, and before those of you who know me too well take a deep in breath and think "omg what has he done this time?" it was my "good" behaviour of which I was ashamed.

As ever it was my son Tom who was ready to teach me another lesson in authenticity.

My brother-in-law was making his Father of the Bride speech and had to pause, overcome by emotion. He gathered himself and, as all good Englishmen do, swallowed that emotion and carried on. 

Whilst I am sure everyone felt that emotion they don't feel it in the way that Tom does. Tom couldn't sit there in that intense energy. He got up from his seat walked to the top table and started hugging his Uncle. He needed that energy to move and he moved right into it with an open heart.

Now this may have been allowed when Tom was a child but for a 21 year old man to break protocol in such a way was not acceptable. Tom was called back to his seat and the speech continued, the interruption dismissed in the polite way the emotion before it was ignored.

Tom was now confused and angry. Sitting next me he implored,"can't they feel it Dad?" I reasoned that not everyone felt it as acutely as he had. He knows me well and said "you felt it?", and I said "yes, of course I did", to which he replied "well how could you just sit there?".

My shame is that I have learned to behave well. I still feel acutely but have somehow learned to behave appropriately (with the occasional hiccup). I have learned to respond from the mind not from the heart. 

Tom knows how to behave authentically. 

I know how to behave.

There is a huge difference.

The gift of the kids which society so often brands as broken is their immunity to programming. We may try to medicate them into robotic conformity but there are too many. Their courage surpasses anything we can beat out of them. They are the reason I am so optimistic about the world!

Go easy, tread lightly, stay free 

Bill