The less I seek the more I find

The less I seek the more I find

This past couple of weeks has been a strange combination of waves of exhaustion and an incredible lightness of being. It feels to me as if so much that I have held at an intellectual or conceptual level is now descending into the physical.

I find myself in prolonged periods with absolutely nothing to say. There is no desire to express an opinion. In fact there is often no opinion to be expressed. 

I sit in familiar circumstances in familiar company listening to familiar conversations, yet it feels as if I am experiencing them for the first time. Usual trigger points have no impact as my mind feels strangely empty.

This stillness continues to attract the attention of the story of Bill Ayling with the egoic echoing of shoulds and musts and attempts to goad me into action, but those echoes are struggling to generate the emotions or motivation they are designed to provoke. 

There is a strong feeling of surrender to what is and in that place the exhaustion of a lifetime of resistance comes to the surface. The difference now is that I do not resist the exhaustion. It flows over me and passes as quickly as it arose.

Despite the protestations of my egoic ghost, the world does not stand still if I do! In fact I am getting used to the benevolence of the current (which I have spent so long resisting) gently guiding me home. 

Love 

Bill